The Fiery Overwatch Rap
by Thereon15
Summary: After a stressful mission in the Arctic, Lúcio helps the Overwatch team warm up and relax with a brilliant rap. He promises more raps after more successful missions, so they'll just have to wait...


It had been a long day, and everyone was relieved to be back at the Overwatch headquarters. The team had just finished a stressful, cold, and tiring mission. They had tracked and eliminated a Talon base in the Arctic, and had successfully collected all the valuable data they found. There had been far too many close calls (Symmetra's ears were still ringing from when Reaper fired one of his shotguns not two inches from her head), but luckily the team had not suffered any permanent injuries or casualties. As everyone relaxed and warmed up in the common area, Lúcio spoke up.

"Hey, to entertain you guys and help us unwind after our mission, I've got a rap to perform."

"Well, okay. Hopefully it's fire, love. My feet are still cold and could use some warmth." Tracer responded.

The team watched Lúcio eagerly as he got up, stretched, cleared his throat, and began:

"Reinhardt's so old, he about to fall apart,

The only thing holding him together is his iron heart,

His balls are the stuff of legend, I fear for his wife,

He sends people packing into the afterlife,

But he ain't just a fighter, he's a lover, too,

His Caduceus Staff makes the girls go, "OOOHHHH!"

He's as mean as a lion with sixteen heads,

Only Winston could ever knock him dead,

'Cause that monkey's got strength and attitude to boot,

You crush his glasses and your victory becomes moot,

His only flaw is his lack of good looks,

He's like a ugly college professor with ten textbooks,

But he sure can take a hit, yeah, he's so burly,

He'll pack a punch anytime: late or early,

He once fought for Overwatch, but now it's gone,

But Winston'll always be around; he's no moron,

There's a man named Reaper and he's nothing but trouble,

His shotguns spitting fire hotter than magma bubbles,

For he's got fury and a cloud of smoke,

With his fearsome white mask and his black cloak,

Then there's the widow with that ice cold skin,

She's nearly as frigid as she is thin,

But she's got a killer aim to destroy her foes,

Like a master hunter shooting down a meek doe,

Overwatch had enemies, from within and outside,

Heck, a lot of good people like Gérard even died,

Now things and events are just as bad as before,

With growing Omnic tension, Talon, and an imminent war,

The world could always use more heroes, Tracer said,

Making sure the innocents don't wind up dead,

Fighting terrorists whether it be museum or mall,

Just ask Winston to initiate a recall,

They've got that scientist Mei, yeah, she's really great,

Freezing things hotter than Lúcio's mixtape,

Her icicles and walls block out all who attack,

Gives them the cold shoulder and sends them right back,

And then there's Zenyatta, with his orbs and healing,

Aiding allies without flinching or feeling,

'Cause he's a robot, he ain't got no nerves,

But his discord orb will give foes what they deserve,

And we're talking about Genji, his ninja skills too fresh,

Choppin' enemies up after being saved from death,

His swift strikes slash enemies like sushi rolls,

He's the best of them all, as far as ninjas go,

Injured at the hands of the lone archer,

Hanzo's fearsome dragons always force a departure,

He scatters shots straight into a sordid fray,

Assassinating all and leaving blood in his wake,

But he'll lose to McCree, once part of a gang,

He takes them all down with a flash and a bang,

For the sun gets hot around high noon,

So he fans the hammer to cool off very soon,

And then there's Zarya, the strongest woman on Earth,

Her muscles got more gravity than her graviton surge,

But her shields are as strong as her will when she fights,

Ripping Omnics to shreds until their insides ignite,

But that Bastion can stand against her with his computer brain,

His machine guns spraying more rain than a hurricane,

He can transform at an instant, flexible and tough,

He's not afraid to obliterate all who play rough,

But Tracer'll stop him, she'll put him to the test,

Harassing and heroics is what she does best,

Blinking, barreling, and bustling through time,

She blast bullets better than I can spit rhymes,

Then there's Ana, she's the newest of the bunch,

Emerging from hiding and joining the war front,

'Cause she's got a lot to fight for and a lot to protect,

Healing allies and putting enemies to rest,

We have Mercy, just soaring through the sky,

With her staff of healing cause heroes never die,

Giving strength and aid to all in need,

She's a staunch advocate of a proper peacekeeping regime,

Pharah's a skilled soldier, honor until the last,

Knocks enemies back with her concussive blast,

A flying falcon with rockets, she's no dove,

Boosting into the air to rain justice from above,

D. Va's skills have gained her worldwide fame,

Winning fights against foes like she wins Starcraft games,

Firing off her shots in her mech and tanking bomb and beam,

Her adoring fans cheering from her live stream,

Soldier: 76, he's just tough and mean,

But he's a great leader and he ran a great team,

Now he's back for more against those who struck him down,

With his visor he takes them to Aimbot town,

Torbjörn's turrets kill, he's a mechanical mastermind,

Building turrets faster than Roadhog eats bacon rinds,

He can repair and rebuild, he gives armor too,

Defending his allies, he doesn't like to loose,

Roadhog himself: by looks he's perfection,

Shrapnel and hook going in every direction,

A behemoth with a radioactive attitude,

He shreds enemies, turns them into pet food,

Junkrat his buddy always comes armed with a mine,

Wrecking disaster and chaos, he's crazier than Frankenstein,

Shooting himself in the air, he casts down grenades,

He traps his enemies and gives them a destructive serenade,

Symmetra the architect, crafting her enemies' defeats,

With her sentry turrets and blaster she has them on their knees,

Time to send a few shields to all teammates,

With her teleporter online, she's no dead weight,

Lúcio led a revolution, now that's a feat,

Better amp it up when he drops the beat,

He helps others speed up with his crossfade,

Streaking onto the stage to perform in his skates.

WOOOOOOOORRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD!"

Lúcio screamed, his face red with excitement and triumph. He was immediately mobbed by his impressed and entertained teammates.

"Guess you'll have to wait until after the next successful mission for a new rap from me!" He teased.


End file.
